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Murray Barnes is the award winning* author of stories
such as "Sex Cult Hippies Stole My Baby",
which was recently published in the prestigious 19a Times. All of his
stories are freely downloadable from this site in pdf
format, you can freely distribute these stories to anyone who wishes
to read them, just make sure that Murray gets his due credit. Editing is
not allowed, arr, me hearties. |
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*Murray is the winner of the 2002 Poll Of The Year award
for the worst haircut at Perth academy |
Title
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Description
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Download
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| Who's Afraid Of BigBad Wolf Property Development
Incorporated? Not Me! |
An update of the traditional fairy tale involving three little pigs, so
that it is now set in this day and age. With guest stars
the three bears and a message about how to properly treat the
countryside, this story has something for everyone. Heck, this one even
has pictures in it. Beat that Charles Dickens... (105Kb) |
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| The Documentary |
Trouble strikes when an incompetent presenter tries to make a
documentary on different households for channel 4. Hey, did you see
that? That sounded just like the sort of blurb you'd get for a TV show
in the TV listings. Cool....(24.55Kb)
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| A Couple Of Shorts |
Yet another "bored in English"™ wittering. Just a couple of
little short things, the longest one is about 6 lines, and the other is
about 2 or 3, like I said, short, just like a certain part of my
anatomy, my pinky toe, god, that is tiny. (4.38Kb)
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| How Do Fingernails Grow? |
Not another "bored in English"™ wittering, but a "bored
in physics"™ wittering. I was staring at my nails and wondering,
just where do they come from? I mean, seriously, where the hell do
fingernails come from? Rather than waste time and ask a biologist, or
search online, I made up a little story. (5.02Kb)
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| The Penguin |
A rather strange little wittering, about a woman and how she mourns the
death of her husband, yet another "bored in English"™
wittering. (5.57Kb)
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| The King? |
The story of the king of rock and roll, 35 years after his death (that's
about 9 years away, wow, I know the year Elvis died, 1977. Don't you
think it's ironic that the king died during the queen's silver jubilee?
I do) (53.27Kb)
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| Sex Cult Hippies Stole My Baby |
This is the (probably totally false) life story of two ducks that can occasionally
be seen on the Craigie burn. Originally I was going to do a page on the
website about the ducks, with pictures, but I decided it was a lot
easier just to write their tale for the school newspaper, and here it
is, I do hope you enjoy it. (84.08Kb)
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| I Read the news today, oh boy |
This is a rather sad tale, certainly the most depressing
thing I have ever written. It's the tale of a teenage boy, no,
wait, why should I tell you about it, click to download it and find out.
This is my favourite story I've written, so find out why. (9.15Kb)
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| A Fable |
Ok, this is just rude, and pretty pathetic. Basically it
is the sort of nonsense I spout when I get bored in chemistry (sorry
Miss Tarbet), it's pretty funny, but it has no substance, like most of
my witterings really. (6.70Kb)
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| Rambling Bull |
Well, this is one of my less favourite pieces of work.
There is some nice digression in it, but other than that, it's crap. I
wrote this for someone up in Inverness who had to hand an essay into
their art teacher for the next day, a Mr. Kingflorence, so I wrote her
this story, and very pleased she was too. (70.3Kb)
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| Oh no, a hamster |
I like this one (yes, I know it's weird for me to actually
like my stories, but this one I like). It's the story of two guys who
find a hamster in their fridge, it's a bit weird, but hey, what isn't of
mine? (71.4Kb)
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| Planet No. 1423/F Preliminary Report |
This is basically a report an alien made of our
world. I wrote this one for an English assignment, and it got a top
grade, which was nice. The alien, Capt Zee Zalton, finds our
planet pretty confusing, but he writes a thoroughly entertaining report (78.12Kb) |
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| Robert Rankinesque Story That's Very Crap |
Ok, this is a really crappy story, one of my many
random scribblings when I was bored in English, and I turned to my
trusty pad of paper and started writing. This one is pretty perverted,
so if you are very, very, very easily shocked, stay away. (84.74Kb) |
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To read the witterings, you must have Adobe™
Acrobat Reader installed on your computer. This is available from this
site:
To read one of the stories, click on the adobe pdf
icon, and (probably) the adobe acrobat reader will open within your
internet browser (for most browsers I can think of on the windows
platform). To save one of the stories to your computer, right click on
the icon, and select "Save Target As..."
More Witterings coming soon. |
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