|
| |
I Colloquialisms Ur Maw
|
Or My Conversations With A Philistine
|
|
|
As you may or may not know, I am often to
be found on MSN messenger, and I have a bountiful number of contacts.
Unfortunately, not everyone in the world seems to love me, or in this
case, fortunately. One of my contacts is Scott
Somerville*. Below, I have included the conversations I have had with him.
|
|
*Props to Lewis for the info |
Conversation The First
|
Him: u
screaming homosexual bun bamdit
Him: *bum
Him: *bandit
Me: do
you get any other kind of bum bandit?
Him: yes
u
Him: hahahahaha
Me: okay,
so i'm a homosexual bum bandit that isn't actually homosexual? make
sense you blithering idiot
Him: aye
it is u fukin monkey ass mother fukin tit wank
Me: ahh,
resorting to swearing, surely a sign of great intellect
At this point, he went offline |
|
Conversation The Second
|
Him: ged
ped
At this point, he went offline |
Conversation The Third
|
Him:
fuk u u gimp ass muther fuker
Me:
come on dear, if you're going to insult me, at least learn to spell
Him:
okay mother fucker FUCK YOU ,YOU FUCKING GIMP ASS SHEEP SHAGGING
DICKHEAD
Me:
and do we really need the american colloquialisms? I much prefer the
word arse.
Him:
i colloquialisms ur maw
Me:
wow, that makes no sense. Congratulations, i may nominate you for the
"idiot of the day" award
At this point, he went offline |
Conversation The Fourth
|
Him:
you fukin wankshaft fro
Me:
what exactly is a "fro"...
Him:
ur mother
Me:
so i'm a fucking wankshaft my mother? that isn't even coherent, much
less insulting
Him:
fuk ur dad i dont give a shit
Him:
ever tried # then
Me:
i like to use all my alphanumeric keys, although i must admit, i don't
use the hash key all that often
Him:
kool
Him:
have u ever tried hash the drug u junky
Him:
r u a virgin
Me:
nope, i don't dabble in drugs
Me:
why yes, since you ask, i am
Him:
r u a square
Me:
that depends on your definition of a square. speaking purely
mathematically, nope....
Him:
nope have u ever got off with a lassie
Him:
ha ha ha
Me:
i have, yes...why do you ask anyway? i don't really understand this
obsession you have with my sex life, or indeed absense of it
Him:
i love ur sex life soo who did u pull then
Him:
well????
Me:
it's not anyone you would know
Him:
koloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool
At this point, he went offline |
Conversation The Fifth
|
Him:
murry u wank shaft prick
Me:
hello dear
At this point, Lewis was invited into the conversation
Lewis:
dinny be a prick scott
Lewis:
murray is sound
Him:
o shit lewis sorry dont hit me
Him:
:'(
Lewis:
never said i was goin to hit you
Lewis:
why are you cryin
Him:
plzz dont tho
Him:
i got my first pube
Lewis:
good for you
Him:
brillinat eh
Me:
*sigh* is this what passes as humour?
Him:
a no
Him:
do u like murry lewis
Lewis:
his name is Murray
Lewis:
i dont belive it to be very polite speaking about someone in front of
them
Him:
murray u are a bushy haired fuk that has never seen a pare of tits b4
Me:
thank you Lewis.
Him:
thank you Lewis.
Lewis:
You are welcome
Him:
murray has a tango tush
Me:
I just love your unique spelling sir, it's so, so, so much of a
bastardisation of the english language i almost feel as though i'm going
to cry.
Him:
I just love your unique spelling sir, it's so, so, so much of a
bastardisation of the english language i almost feel as though i'm going
to cry. an fuk ur dirty maw
Me:
please, I know I've asked this before, but maybe you didn't understand
the big words, but could you at least try and make your insults
coherent?
Him:
please, I know I've asked this before, but maybe you didn't understand
the big words, but could you at least try and make your insults
coherent? okay fick your greasy tay street mother up her tango tush
Me:
See, that's exactly what I mean. Copying my sentence and then taking on
your own misspellings, that just makes no sense, and really, it lets me,
and Lewis, and the rest of the world come the day I publish these
conversations (and believe me, I intend to, they're too funny not to),
that you are in fact, an idiot...
Him:
See, that's exactly what I mean. Copying my sentence and then taking on
your own misspellings, that just makes no sense, and really, it lets me,
and Lewis, and the rest of the world come the day I publish these
conversations (and believe me, I intend to, they're too funny not to),
that you are in fact, an idiot... fuck off taking time writing this
shite an do sumthin else with ur time
Lewis:
i'm totally behind murray
Lewis:
({)
Him:
wat u behind his beard coz i canny c ya
Me:
Why do you tell me to "fuck off taking time writing this shite", when
obviously you're doing it too? This leads me to the conclusion that you
have just as sad and pathetic a life as I freely admit I do
Him:
Why do you tell me to "fuck off taking time writing this shite", when
obviously you're doing it too? This leads me to the conclusion that you
have just as sad and pathetic a life as I freely admit I do at least i
have tits an a fanny tho
Me:
Ahh, so you've had a sex change then?
Lewis:
i'm naked
Him:
i have always been a girll soooooo is ur dad
Me:
If my father had always been a "girll", as you claim, I'd like to ask
you how I was conceived?
Him:
well thats wat i have tryin to tell u, u r a test tube baby
Lewis:
in the bible it says your father is the man who raised you so it doesn't
matter how you were concieved
Me:
well, they'd still have needed sperm, and whoever's sperm that was would
be my father, but he wouldn't have any if he was a "girll". Lewis, I'm
not too big a fan of the bible, so I'm going by the medical definition
that your father is the man you share DNA with
Him:
well, they'd still have needed sperm, and whoever's sperm that was would
be my father, but he wouldn't have any if he was a "girll". Lewis, I'm
not too big a fan of the bible, so I'm going by the medical definition
that your father is the man you share DNA with ur uncle
Me:
Well, I do share some DNA with my uncle, as i'd have gotten DNA from my
grandmother and grandfather, yes.
Him:
Well, I do share some DNA with my uncle, as i'd have gotten DNA from my
grandmother and grandfather, yes. an ur dog yes u herd me ur dad
Lewis:
its just not funny anyore scott
Me:
Believe it or not, I didn't hear you. I just read your rapidly typed
response. I don't own a dog, and I never have I'm afraid
Me:
Lewis, did you ever seriously find it funny? I'm just laughing at his
incredible stupidity.
Him:
ur maother is afred hidng under her bed taking a pish in the pish pot
Lewis:
i thought "murray u are a bushy haired fuk that has never seen a pare of
tits b4" was quite funny
Me:
well, his spelling of pair was certainly hilarious
Him:
lol nice 1
Lewis:
i must depart from this Interseting conversation
At this point, Lewis left the conversation.
Him:
same here this guy doesnt even now how tae spell
Me:
You'll find deary, that every word I use is found in the nearest
dictionary
At this point, he went offline |
|
