|
| |
|
Murray Barnes has been called on several occasions,
names such as; twat, colossal turd, humungous idiot. These names are all
given to him by best friend, Paul
Ferguson. According to Giovanni Bruno however, he is in fact Gio's
Bitch. Murray refuses to comment. |
 Murray's
usual happy face, look at him smile, go on, lookee, wait, he's not
smiling. That's because he's a miserable bugger.
|
|
 Murray,
and his friend Paul, enjoying a
spiffy party
|
To those who don't actually know Murray, his vital
statistics are:
| D.O.B |
09/07/86 |
| Height |
Not Enough |
| Weight |
Too Much |
| Hair Length |
Far, far too much |
| Beard Length |
As Above |
| Excuse for not putting numbers in
this table |
Sheer bloody laziness. If you want
numbers, come and measure him yourself |
| Length of penis |
Think big, think very big, think
dissapointment. |
|
|
Murray created this site, mostly due to boredom, but
also because a mad bat from London, who goes under the guise of
Stephanie J. Roberts, paid for a year's hosting and domain name, and it
would be shame not to squander it on a silly site like this. So let's
give her a big shout out. Thanks Steph, you insane, mad, loony you. Any
chance of some more money? |
 Look,
it's the red nose day logo. It's totally irrelevant, or is it? Read on
to find out |
|
 Look,
maybe the red nose day logo wasn't irrelevant, as Mr. Murray Barnes
attempted to dye his hair and beard red for comic relief. Here is the
disaster that resulted.
|
Murray enjoys an active social life, and is also a chronic
liar. While it is true he often goes out, that's for school and his
weekly paper round. Occasionally he also has to empty his bin into the
wheelie bin outside. Once his mother sent him across the road to get
some jam from the supermarket there, but after she found out he bought
the most expensive jam in the shop, this has not been repeated. |
|
Murray is rather tired, but feels that doing this
irrelevant page that nobody in their right minds will visit is a little
bit more important than the math homework that is due in tomorrow, or
hopefully the day after, that he's had two weeks to do over the
holidays. Either that or this feels less like work, even though thinking
of the rubbish to stick in each of these paragraphs is a little bit more
difficult than doing an SQA official
higher mathematics past paper (published by Leckie & Leckie) |
 Look,
it's Murray, and he's naked. As this is clearly a picture of the first
decent monkey found in a Google image search, and not Murray after
all. this just proves his chronic liarness, which isn't even a word. |
|
Aww wook, wittle baby
muwway, appearing to be vomiting chocolate, wonderful. So that's why he
grew the beard, to hide the stains... |
Murray is often asked what he looks like under all
that hair, ok, one girl in Kent asked him that in the forlorn hope that
he might be attractive if he got a haircut, the simple answer to this is
no Kim, but at least he doesn't have a big nose. Ouch, that was cheap. |
|
Murray is known to be a bit of a pervert, and not that
long ago he had quite a scary experience, walking along the road, going
home. He saw quite a nice looking woman walking on the other side of the
road, so he "checked her out", as the saying goes, but when
his eyes reached her face he though, "Hmm, I know her, oh shit,
it's Miss McPhee", Miss McPhee being his primary five teacher.....
Holy shit he's a pervert.... |
 Well,
lookee here, this is a beautiful girl, and one that Murray used to go
out with. After seeing this photo, Murray was convinced he must have
been dreaming going out with her, which would certainly explain those
stains in his pyjama bottoms...
|
|
 Wooh,
it's everyone's favourite four armed, genetically modified animated
alien. Stitch, but this is no ordinary Stitch, this is chain smoking,
gambling, drunken hobo Stitch.
|
It has come to Murray's attention that most people don't
realise that the photos on this page are thumbnails, so clicking on most
of them brings up an even larger photo of the ugliness of Murray's gob.
Hooray, even more reason to be frightened by your computer, you computer
illiterates you.... |
|
On may the 7th of 2003, Murray celebrated a very special anniversary,
that of two whole years since scissors last touched his hair. Yes, he
has been informed that his split ends are Mingin'. Yuck, what a
horrible word, rather like his split ends really. |
 Lookee,
Murray having his hair dyed, again, but this time you can see the faces
of the culprits who totally mucked up the dying (probably mostly the
fault of James, in the background)
|
|
 He
he he, look, it's a clanger, and it's with two orange blobs. Murray has
no idea what the blobs are, and can't be bothered asking his sister,
who's calendar this is scanned from. Anyone with any idea, e-mail me
|
Well, that's just about all Murray can think of to say
about the subject of Murray. No, wait, a thought just popped into his
head, often he ignores his thoughts as perverted, sick, or just plain
wrong. For some odd reason this one has gotten through. Murray is single
at the moment, and if you are a girl, who is hot, and has large breasts,
e-mail him at the address to the left with a photo (preferably naked) of
yourself, so he can laugh that a hot girl with large breasts is having
so many problems getting a date that she'll go out with him. Ho ho ho ho
ho. So not going to happen, Murray has standards, and people he meets on
the internet are a no go... |
|
